kitty (lost_in_lace) wrote,

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my week, in review

Depressed week.  I have been to a funeral, I have gone a week without my best friend, my other friend is moving back to Roswell for senior year and I have been eating then not eating.  One day I will eat too much and not exercise, the next I will eat nothing and exercise too much.  My head spins, my thoughts arent any better and I have cried every fucking day for no reason.  Movies wont make me laugh, songs make me cry and I am writing too little.  My family treats me like shit, my friend treats me like I am a piece of ass, just something to fuck over and over again and somone they can tell they love them.  It is a good feeling, but it also hurts.  Love is a bitch, I like it so much, but I hate the affects it has on me.  I cant come to accept me, the way I really am.  I cannot accept the fact I like everyone, I cannot accept the fact that I curse too often and I dont pray enough, I cannot accept the fact that I am resentful, lazy, awful and totally selfish.  I want the best for others and I dont care what I get for myself.  I want everyone around me to be happy, no matter the draining effects it has on me and how awful it makes me act.  I hate me, I hate the fact I cannot accept myslef, and I cannot accept the fact that I love someone who loves me; the person who is always there no matter what, who has been there always for the past 2 years.  *shakes head*

It has been a shitty week.
I have hated myself more than I have ever hated myself before.
Monday or possibly tomorrow might fix everything.
Screw writing for a while...I am not talented and I hate it

Someone slap me, tell me to stop being so angst-y and make me see that I am a stupid teenager.
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