Depressed week. I have been to a funeral, I have gone a week without my best friend, my other friend is moving back to Roswell for senior year and I have been eating then not eating. One day I will eat too much and not exercise, the next I will eat nothing and exercise too much. My head spins, my thoughts arent any better and I have cried every fucking day for no reason. Movies wont make me laugh, songs make me cry and I am writing too little. My family treats me like shit, my friend treats me like I am a piece of ass, just something to fuck over and over again and somone they can tell they love them. It is a good feeling, but it also hurts. Love is a bitch, I like it so much, but I hate the affects it has on me. I cant come to accept me, the way I really am. I cannot accept the fact I like everyone, I cannot accept the fact that I curse too often and I dont pray enough, I cannot accept the fact that I am resentful, lazy, awful and totally selfish. I want the best for others and I dont care what I get for myself. I want everyone around me to be happy, no matter the draining effects it has on me and how awful it makes me act. I hate me, I hate the fact I cannot accept myslef, and I cannot accept the fact that I love someone who loves me; the person who is always there no matter what, who has been there always for the past 2 years. *shakes head*
It has been a shitty week. I have hated myself more than I have ever hated myself before. Monday or possibly tomorrow might fix everything. Screw writing for a while...I am not talented and I hate it
Someone slap me, tell me to stop being so angst-y and make me see that I am a stupid teenager.