kitty (lost_in_lace) wrote,

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she turned her head, and didnt cry
she never uttered another word
i know how it feels to be this way
i remember the smell of suicide

tears of frustration ran down her face
she just kept going, never stopping
i still have those troubling days
where you just cant find a place

her breath stopped at a screeching halt
it was just too hard to keep on going
i know somebody should have told her
then she would have known it wasnt her fault

mom is pregnant again.  it is due in february.  i was serious when i told her she was going to drive me to drink.  at least by the time demon spawn comes around, school will be almost over and i will be almost on my own.  i cant stand it already with a 3 year old and a 1 year old, how will i be with a newborn added to the mix?  i am stressing about it because i hate it.  i am ignored enough as it is with the other 2 and now shes pregnant and wont be able to go anywhere that i have a school function, she wont wanna come to orchestra performances and she might miss graduation.  miss graduation...god, i will die.  i cant think about this right now.  im worried about other things and now this on top does not help.  i hope i dont have a relapse; i CANT have a relapse.  there are people who care for me too much for me to relapse and do what i used to do.  my mind is spinning and my head aches.  my eyes still hurt...i am falling apart as we speak, er, type.  i dont know how i am going to do when she starts getting so ditzy and i have to do more than i already do.  im stressed enough...i cant...
*sighs and shrugs*  im through typing for now...

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