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The joys of a laptop and all the fixings... [09 Aug 2006|04:05pm]
[ mood | good ]

I just got my laptop back, so I am happily sitting at the library using their wireless!  One negative thing about the library, it is hella cold.  Tonight we are going to Ambers for  a while and then back to Gina's for a few more nights.  My family is coming over tomorrw and bringing food for everyone.  When I get home, my parents and siblings are going to Roswell, NM for 2 days, so agian I am unsupervised.  I am liking this unsupervised thing and being all independent and stuff.  It isnt that bad.  

Well, mybe something will come to mind that I can write about.  Much love all!
<3 me

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Viva La Vie Boheme... [27 Jul 2006|11:51am]
[ mood | loved ]

I thought I had a point in posting this morning, but I guess I dont.  Things are uber good right now for the most part.  The only bad things:  I havent finished my summer reading for AP English 4 and my family is still whacked out.  *shrugs*  Its ok though because I have come to accept that; plus I have the most WONDERFUL type of friend who is there for me all of the time and who loves me.  ^_^  

Well, I need to get ready to go.  I am going to Ambers to work on Dani's scrapbook and then we are all going to Princys for Danis going away party.  After the party, Amber, Dani and I are going BACK to Ambers for Danis birthday.  It should be hectic and wonderful! <3

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Yikes [19 Jul 2006|06:46pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

So, I was supposed to go to Amber's tonight but I got a phone call that went something like this:

Me:  "Hey!"
Amber: "You cant come over tonight...*sob sob*"
Me: "Ok."
Amber: *awkward silence* "Sob"
Me: "Are you ok?"
Amber: "Yeah..."
Me: "Want me to call you later?"
Amber: "Yeah."
Me: "When would be ok?"
Me: o.O
Amber:  *dial tone*
Me: "WTF? *sob sob*

So, I think she and her mom got into it.  I am scared to call her tomorrow because I dont wanna get yelled at...again.  I hope she is ok, but when she cries, I dont think she is because she never really cries.  Iunno, I guess I will call her tomorrow afternoon.  *deep breath*

Well, I need to go...My finger is killing me.

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an enigma [15 Jul 2006|08:00pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

am i an enigma, mysterious and closed?

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my week, in review [15 Jul 2006|12:27am]
[ mood | sad ]

Depressed week.  I have been to a funeral, I have gone a week without my best friend, my other friend is moving back to Roswell for senior year and I have been eating then not eating.  One day I will eat too much and not exercise, the next I will eat nothing and exercise too much.  My head spins, my thoughts arent any better and I have cried every fucking day for no reason.  Movies wont make me laugh, songs make me cry and I am writing too little.  My family treats me like shit, my friend treats me like I am a piece of ass, just something to fuck over and over again and somone they can tell they love them.  It is a good feeling, but it also hurts.  Love is a bitch, I like it so much, but I hate the affects it has on me.  I cant come to accept me, the way I really am.  I cannot accept the fact I like everyone, I cannot accept the fact that I curse too often and I dont pray enough, I cannot accept the fact that I am resentful, lazy, awful and totally selfish.  I want the best for others and I dont care what I get for myself.  I want everyone around me to be happy, no matter the draining effects it has on me and how awful it makes me act.  I hate me, I hate the fact I cannot accept myslef, and I cannot accept the fact that I love someone who loves me; the person who is always there no matter what, who has been there always for the past 2 years.  *shakes head*

It has been a shitty week.
I have hated myself more than I have ever hated myself before.
Monday or possibly tomorrow might fix everything.
Screw writing for a while...I am not talented and I hate it

Someone slap me, tell me to stop being so angst-y and make me see that I am a stupid teenager.

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My Life- The Soundtrack [10 Jul 2006|03:59pm]
Your Life: The Soundtrack
So heres how it (supposedly) works: Open your choice of music [itunes, limewire, kazaa, etc.] and put it on shuffle. Press play. For every question type the song thats on. And when you go to a new question press the next button. Ready? GO!
Opening credits: Tranz Mit Laibach- Laibach
Waking up: Dollhouse - Rasputina
Average day: Melt With You- modern English
First date: I’m Eighteen- Alice Cooper
Falling in love: Mother- Pink Floyd
Fight scene: Lollirot- Jack Off Jill
Breaking up: English Summer Rain- Placebo
Getting back together: Rock ‘N’ Roll All Nite- Kiss
Missing someone: OCD- Neural
Secret love: Here Comes the Rain Again- The Cruxshadows
Life's okay: Angels Fuck, Devils Kiss- Jack Off Jill
Mental breakdown: Jolene- The White Stripes
Driving: Like a Virgin- Marilyn Manson and NIN
Learning a lesson: Rock and Roll Nigger- Patti Smith
Deep thought: Persian Love Song- Dead Can Dance
Flashback: Dizzy-Orgy
Partying: Jump Around- House of Pain
Happy dance: Time Warp - Rocky Horror Picture Show
Regreting: Don’t Fear the Reaper- Blue Oyster Cult
Long night alone: Sleeping with Ghosts- Placebo
Death scene: God is a Bullet- Concrete Blonde
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Some prose? [09 Jul 2006|04:18pm]
[ mood | teehee ]

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hit by a bullet of love and scarred by the words of reassurance... [08 Jul 2006|04:44pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

It has been a while since I have really updated that I am not sure where to start and what to write about.  Things have been somewhat hectic but not to the point where I am ready to cry, which is a good thing.  I have been trying to keep a happy mind set and keep others happy around me, but I always do that, so what is new?  There is one person I am try really hard to keep happy and I seem to be doing a good job of that.  With my mom being pregnant again, I am pulling MORE weight of the household chores because she has "first trimester tiredness".  I already help her with most things as it is, but now all of the laundry is my responsibility for $30 a week and I just do little things here and there like I always do.  They complain that I dont pull my weight, but I do.  Right now she is sleeping with my littlest sister and I am watching the other one.  

I am no longer single and I am loving it, I just hope this doesnt end like my first one did.  Seeing as it was two years of friendship first, I should hope it doesnt crash too soon.  That is one thing I have been doing lately; attending to our personal needs.  Dont take that in the wrong way...I just meant that I make sure I stay happy and help keep moods up.  I do worry often though.  I worry about word getting out, I worry about it ending, I worry about screwing up and things of that sort.  That is me though, worried about everything be it good or bad.

I am in a mood to write letters, not email.  Does anybody want a letter?  I have a person to write to, but I dont think one letter is going to kill the writing mood.  Maybe 2 or 3...

Well, I think I am going to go start writing and maybe write some poetry.  *shrugs*  

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I stole this! [02 Jul 2006|07:09pm]
[ mood | teehee ]

If you comment on this post
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
3. I'll pick a color that I associate with you.
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on yours.

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[01 Jul 2006|11:19am]
[ mood | content ]

I was tagged by sakeofmercy to do this on specialksmymuse, but I did it here instead ^_^

1) Bold what is true about you.
2) Italicize what you wish was true about you.
3) Add one true thing about you to the end of the list.
4) Tag five LJ friends.

I dont really know 5 people on lj, so the tagging part isnt done. 
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Poem [01 Jul 2006|10:33am]
[ mood | crazy ]

dont cry darling, it's not worth it
your tears cant make something dead grow
the words you say are just hanging there
dead in the wind like leaves on an autumn day

dont cray darling, like I've said- it's not worth it
the tears only drown you for a moment
and words are only calming if you pretend they're real
other than that, crying leaves you down
it does nothing but wear you out and let you fake it through

dont cry darling, for others know your pain
they stop pretending and find a way
eventually they make it through everything
they know crying fixes nothing and it isnt worth it
so, stop crying and you'll realize you are better off without it.  

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[29 Jun 2006|06:26pm]
[ mood | loved ]

*le sigh*  Why do good things have to come to an end???  I wanna go back to Amber's and stay forever...

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[24 Jun 2006|09:52pm]

Since when is it ok to interrogate me about "getting any"?  I wouldnt share that information with you even if I was.  I am not the girl who throws herself from guy to guy trying to make herself feel better and her ex feel worse when in reality she is making herself feel worse in the long run.  Im sorry, I have a little more respect for myself and I dont do those kinds of things just because one boy dumped me and is trampling all over me.  He can spread his lies and tell people things about and I dont care because he is only doing it to boost his sorry ass self esteem.  Let him try to crush me, but one day when I am bigger and better, he will pay and so will the slut that keeps calling me and leaving nasty messages on my phone for him.  Im sad he doesnt have the balls to do it himself, because if he did I would make sure to talk to him and give him a piece of my mind.  Another note, he is old news.  He dumped me months ago and still drags the rumors and what not out...*sighs*  

Sorry, I got on a roll because someone asked me if I was screwing anybody...

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Katy ish a camera whore...only sometimes [24 Jun 2006|04:15pm]
[ mood | happy ]

Ok, so the wonderful hair dye is everywhere in my bathroom, but here are some pics nonetheless.

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Raspberry hair... [24 Jun 2006|01:32pm]
[ mood | amused ]

I promise pictures of my raspberry coloured hair in a few hours.  The colour is totally fake and gorgeous and I want to keep my hair like this forever.  
More of an update later when I post pictures.  Thinking of all of you.  *hugs*

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illogical [22 Jun 2006|09:12pm]
[ mood | cant...get...it...right ]

she turned her head, and didnt cry
she never uttered another word
i know how it feels to be this way
i remember the smell of suicide

tears of frustration ran down her face
she just kept going, never stopping
i still have those troubling days
where you just cant find a place

her breath stopped at a screeching halt
it was just too hard to keep on going
i know somebody should have told her
then she would have known it wasnt her fault

mom is pregnant again.  it is due in february.  i was serious when i told her she was going to drive me to drink.  at least by the time demon spawn comes around, school will be almost over and i will be almost on my own.  i cant stand it already with a 3 year old and a 1 year old, how will i be with a newborn added to the mix?  i am stressing about it because i hate it.  i am ignored enough as it is with the other 2 and now shes pregnant and wont be able to go anywhere that i have a school function, she wont wanna come to orchestra performances and she might miss graduation.  miss graduation...god, i will die.  i cant think about this right now.  im worried about other things and now this on top does not help.  i hope i dont have a relapse; i CANT have a relapse.  there are people who care for me too much for me to relapse and do what i used to do.  my mind is spinning and my head aches.  my eyes still hurt...i am falling apart as we speak, er, type.  i dont know how i am going to do when she starts getting so ditzy and i have to do more than i already do.  im stressed enough...i cant...
*sighs and shrugs*  im through typing for now...

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*le sigh* [19 Jun 2006|03:22pm]
[ mood | bored ]

The parents have decided, since I am going to Amber's again tonight, to leave me all alone until I leave the house.  They have errands to run and then they are taking my little sisters to see the Disney/Pixar film Cars.  I am sort of ticked that they are comfortable with leaving me here while they go out and spend money on useless shit while there are important things I need that they could buy instead.  Maybe I am selfish?  Amber has told me a million times that I am not, but I still feel like it.  There is one thing about being here alone though- I can listen to any album I want as loud as I want without asking them.  So right now I am digging on the The Cure "Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me".  I love it.

It is only Monday and I am already feeling the week tugging on me.  This has been the longest summer so far and it seems like it is never going to end.  I cant make myself read Emma or The Metamorphosis.  Each time I sit down to engage myself in dull reading of Emma, someone feels like it is time to knock on the door and bother me.  I mean, thank you for waning to save me from Jane Austen's grips, but I NEED to read it before August rolls around because now I also need to read The Jungle.  So my summer reading has expanded a little and I fully intend on reading it all ON TOP of things I want to read.  I have 3 Patricia Cornwell novels right now that I need to read and 3 poetry books that I need to browse through to find things for Oral Interpretation.

Last night I actually put a tune to one of my original songs.  I dont like it that much, but it works.  I will practice on it and see if I can get better.  There are so many things I still need to take pictures of and post that it isnt funny.  I will get to it eventually.  Well, I think I will call Amber and see when she wants me to come over or see if she wants to come hang out here for a while.  

Much loves

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[18 Jun 2006|06:11pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

This weekend was a drag, but I did get something out of it.  Actually, I got a few things out of it.  The most important thing that came out of this weekend is a possible job; I have an interview at 10:30 in the morning.  The sad thing about the interview is that it is at McDonalds, which I have dubbed Icky Dee's.  If they start at a reasonable price, I wont mind but if they are going to start me at like $5, I will be like "F you, I am not working here" and I will leave.  Anyway, the other thing I got was my new phone!  I held on to my old one for the whole two years and now I am upgraded to something a little better.  I passed on the camera phone and went for something more simple.  
Also happened to pick up a few things at the mall: Nag Champa incense, pink temporary hair dye, a Beatles magnet for Amber and a pretty celtic hair clip.  *grins*  I am thinking about sending in an application to hot topic, just so I will be somewhere with good music ^_^

Well, I  have some things to wash before the interview tomorrow.  

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[18 Jun 2006|12:20pm]
[ mood | creative ]

Seeing as I am growing up, I figured I would try to move on as well. So many things are written in my old lj that I wont forget it, but I just want to leave it be for now. This is the summer before my senior year of high school and I feel like I am moving on and that is much needed after all of the things I have written down to remember.

I will update later after I lose the pajamas and find some real clothes to put on ^_^

Much love,
The same Katy

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